Saturday, January 27, 2018


Let me tell you something..
I had no intention to share this before..
But.. if there is someone out there who struggle and think of giving up on life, maybe.. just maybe it could help...

To tell you the truth, I was given a second chance to live.
Am I almost dying? No, but I used to think of it, like a lot. May be we all have that stage in life where we just want to end things we thought couldn’t bear, that kind of suicidal thought. I’ve been there too.

For the past years I dealt with complicated situations. I was abused for being too naive. I was convinced that I had no self-worth, that kind of brain wash. I gave up on happiness since I thought lt I didn’t deserve it. I just lived my life like that, no I didn’t live, I just survived.

I gave up on my life couple of times, but never managed to go all the way since I’m a moslem at least I still have faith within me which prevent me to do something reckless, if not maybe I’m no longer here. So, one day, I was diagnosed or rather suspected for having a terminal illness, cancer. My world was crumbled all of a sudden. I never thought my life will be that short. The doctor ran further series of lab test on me, he asked me to come another couple of weeks to see the test result.

That moment, I thought it was a punishment, for being ungrateful to the life I was given. The punishment for attempting to die. Hearing that diagnose made me realize that I want to live, I had that hope to live a better life, I should have been doing this and that, I had many regrets. Every day was a nightmare, too anxious about the test result. I did prayers, ate healthy foods, consumed packs of prescribed medicines. I deseparately swore to god if the diagnose was proven wrong I will lead a better life without any regret. Couple of weeks waiting for the test result was a nightmare, my anxiety was on top of my head.

I was hesitated to find out the truth, so I refused to come to the hospital. I thoughht may be I better off not knowing about the illness. I dlayed it until another couple of weeks until I ran out of the medicine. So, I braced myself for the worst case, and met with the doctor. The doctor showed me the lab test. He said, I’m okay, the series of tests outcome were on my side. I’m healthy insya Allah! Suddenly it was like a very heavy stone was lifted off my shoulder. I was really happy and grateful. I couldn’t express in words just how grateful I was.. Those days when I felt like I was losing years of my life was just a bad dream and now I'm fine. Alhamdulillah, Allah does love me. I think it was a remark to pull my self together and to be more grateful and appreciate every little things in my life. It was a precious lesson.

I lived a pathetic life for 7 years. Knowing that I  had a chance to live did made me so grateful. I tried to let go the toxic things that held me back. But the aftermath was real, it was not easy to get over your long term attachment and the trauma it caused, but at least this time I had the will to live, I had a hope. One day, I stumbled upon the @najwazebian page. She inspired me, the me who suffered a massive anxiety and depression, to lead a better life. I listened to her story, her quotes.. they gave me hope that everything is gonna be fine, It was not my fault that I was abused. I ,too, deserve good things in life.

From then on I had the gut detach myself from the toxic situation. I let go, and moved on with a luggage full of hope. I started to love my self more, opened up with my family and friends, give more,  I held my guitar again, be grateful for everything I have, I did what I didn’t do before so that I will have no regrets. I start things anew.

That’s why I said I was given a second chance to live..

We're all dealing with a fight that maybe no one around  aware of. We may suffer, fail and all in  some turns in our lives. But, you were given this life as a blessing, you should cherish it, Allah will call upon you one day. But until then, don’t lose hope. You can do anything you want to lead a better life as long as you live, collect all the good deeds to earn you peace in Allah’s side...

People come to our live either as a blessing or lesson. I had that load of lessons that maybe I graduated in some life level,lol.

Everything is gonna be fine, you might think that the storm ahead of you is so overwhelming. But any storm will pass, you don't need to deny your pain, just embrace it, let it pass, take as much time as it needs to get over it. Once it passed, you will realize the sky is blue like it always be, maybe the weather will change anytime, but remember the sky will stay as blue no matter what the weather is... And so you are... One day you'll look back to those days and smile that you did a good job enduring it all... :)


Sunday, January 7, 2018


First, I'd like to say happy new year everyone! May we have a good year ahead... Oficially, this is my first post this year, it got me excited to share with you guys...

Continuing my travelogue. This time I want to recap about my side trip to Wakayama. Yes, we decided to go off the beaten path this time, not many tourists had set their foot here so we wanna give it a shot! It took just an hour by train from the hustle and bustle of Osaka to this quite neighborhood. Actually we planned to go to Tomogashima island from Kada port here in Wakayama. I heard that the island resembles one of the Ghibli movie, Laputa in the sky. I was so looking forward to it, but too bad the ferry bound for the island was not operating due to the huge wave and bad weather.

But when you’re travelling unexpected things are bound to happen. Don’t let it ruin your mood, look around and you’ll find something good.

So from wakayama-shi station we headed to Kada, using this train called “Medetai train”. Medetai is cray fish as a symbol of this city. It looked so cute in pink so I couldn’t help to take a picture inside and outside of the train , lol.

Pinku train!

Cute mascot of Wakayama station, Tama-chan!

So, when we arrived at Kada station we went to the sea. It was only 10 minutes walk from there. Well, it wasn’t as wonderful as the tropical land might offer but beach in Kada was also pretty.  The temperature at the time was only 12'c but felt like 7'c. It was so windy and cold even though I had some layers beneath my sweater.

Welcome to Kada beach....

It was so windy here in Kada

It was sunday, the town was so quiet and barely any town's people in vicinity..

This is the port we supposed to take a ferry from, in order to go to Tomogashima island :'(

On our way back to the Kada station

After taking pictures here and there around the beach, we decided to go back to Wakayama city to visit one of the attraction called Marina city. So we hopped on the train from Kada station toward JR Wakayama station, There was a bus stop there bound for Marina city, it took an hour by bus to go to this place.

In Marina city there were three attractions, first is the Kuroshio traditional fish market, second is kinokuni fruit market and the last is the grand Porto Europa. Porto Europa is an amusement park, it was so huge mimicking the European style buildings, it was free of admission fee to enter if you want to take pictures and all, but you wil be chared if you want to join the rides. But at the time we arrived, there was an illumination festival night so we were charged 1800 yen to enter. So we decided to spend the night there , I was freezing at the time, but managed to take some pictures,LOL. I really not cut out to live in a four seasoned country I guess.

A glimpse of Porto Europa

Kinokuni fruit market

Inside the Kuroshio fish market

Many fresh seafood sold here!

Tickets for Festa Luce illumination festival

It was an amazing sight! Turning an amusement park into a world of illumination really a magical sensation. If it wasn't for the chill, I might have shot more pictures.. :(


Fringed Poncho, H&M
High waisted skirt, WEGO


From Namba:

Or you can simply check the official website of  Wakayama Marina city 

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